I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
