I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
