i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
