and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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