I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
