I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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