my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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