i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
