Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize