I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
