Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
