I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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