who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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