she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
