How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
