I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
These tits shall not be calmed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize