It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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