He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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