Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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