This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
