do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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