She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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