I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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