I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
