Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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