I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
