in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sober January is a disaster.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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