"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
