You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
