why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
