Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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