You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
