is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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