So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
