so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
