The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
