oh god the rape fog is back!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
