I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
