so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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