you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
