she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize