I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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