Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
