I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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