I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
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