I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
