I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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