i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
