I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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