i can't believe i had my finger in that
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize