Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
