Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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