I swear god or herbie drove my car home
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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