So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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