my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
