i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
