We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
