just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
