i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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