i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
