Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she peed on how many people?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
