What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
